The Potential Pitfalls of People-Pleasing in Our Relationships

Have you ever found yourself in a cycle of emotional overwhelm in your relationships? This could very well be due to the amount of emotional energy you’re putting into consistently pleasing the people around you. In using the term “relationships,” I’m not just pointing to the one we have with our significant other(s) – I’m talking about the relationships that exist in each area of our lives – family, friends, loved ones,  co-workers, YOURSELF, etc. These relationships can consume much of our time and energy – which those of us self-proclaimed people-pleasers irrationally think we have an infinite amount of! In case you haven’t reached self-proclamation, I’ll provide the harsh truth: you are one person who has the same amount of time in each day as every other human being on Mother Earth and you will only have so much energy to give to each day. Let’s take some time here to help ourselves better understand the potential pitfalls we are creating in our relationships by being people-pleasers.  Continue reading “The Potential Pitfalls of People-Pleasing in Our Relationships”

The Pros and Cons of New Relationship Energy

We all know the feeling. When we meet someone new whom we’re interested in, and we have a sudden rush of energy – emotionally, romantically, and sexually. It may feel like this person can do no wrong, and they may seem like a perfect match to you. You may want to spend as much time as you can with this new person, spend all day in bed with them, and stay up late talking to them. You often feel as though you are “high on life,” and everything you discover about this new person seems exciting and makes you want to know more [1]. This feeling of excitement and newness in a relationship is known as New Relationship Energy, or NRE, in the polyamorous community. It is also commonly described as infatuation, puppy love, or even the honeymoon phase of a relationship in more mainstream society. While NRE is exciting and common in new relationships, it is important to consider how NRE is affecting your life and any other partner(s) you may have.  Continue reading “The Pros and Cons of New Relationship Energy”

Winning an Argument with Your Partner

What does it mean to win or lose? In most sports, there is a clear winner and a clear loser. In respect our partner(s), we also tend to think of winning or losing an argument. Many people try to win the argument themselves, because they certainly do not want to be the loser. We’ve all seen how sports teams or individuals react after a win or a loss in a game, and we do not want to be on the losing side. So, how do you win an argument with a partner?  Continue reading “Winning an Argument with Your Partner”

Meeting Your Metamour for the First Time

Meeting your partner’s other partner can be very stressful. It can be uncomfortable to spend time with the person whom you know is also dating your partner. For some people, meeting a metamour is a natural thing, and they aren’t phased by it. But most people may feel anxious, nervous, or even jealous as they consider meeting their metamour. They may feel as though their partner or metamour will be judging them, or feel that approval is needed from the metamour – especially if they are the newer partner. If you are feeling nervous about the prospect of meeting your metamour, here are some helpful tips! Continue reading “Meeting Your Metamour for the First Time”

Empathy in a Relationship After a Betrayal

When people are dating, and everything is new and exciting in their relationships, they often think their new partner can do no wrong. They may spend quite a bit of time with their new partner, and they don’t disagree on much, if anything. This excited feeling is often referred to as New Relationship Energy (NRE), and can last for 3-6 months or longer.  However, once NRE wears off in a relationship, arguments will eventually occur, and disagreements will happen. Some people will break their relationship agreements, and one of the most difficult examples of this is having an affair. Even after an affair, many people will want to continue their relationship and work things out. How do you do this when you have been hurt, or when you have hurt your partner? Continue reading “Empathy in a Relationship After a Betrayal”

Taking a Break During an Argument

Arguing with your partner is never a fun experience. However, certain arguments are worse than others. These arguments can escalate quickly, and often leave us feeling frustrated and unheard by our partners. So, how do you know when it’s time to take a break? And how do you express the fact that you need a break, in a way that your partner will understand and respect? Continue reading “Taking a Break During an Argument”

The Four Horsemen: How NOT to Communicate When You Have Multiple Partners

We all have different communication styles. Over time, we fall into certain communication patterns with our partners. We may have learned our method of communication from our parents growing up, or we may feed off the communication styles that have developed throughout our relationships. Each relationship will have its own communication pattern – you most likely do not speak to your best friend in the same way that you speak to your nesting partner, and most likely do not speak to your nesting partner in the same way that you speak to your long-distance partner. However, in any relationship, there are problematic interactions that can lead to the end of a relationship. Continue reading “The Four Horsemen: How NOT to Communicate When You Have Multiple Partners”